


to live miserably

by dewey1101



Category: IZONE (Band), Stray Kids (Band), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:53:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27083692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dewey1101/pseuds/dewey1101
Summary: Minju gets to live a miserable life as consequence for her actions.
Relationships: KIM MINJU/CHA JUNHO, Kim Chaewon (IZONE)/Kim Minju
Kudos: 7





	to live miserably

It hurt. Her body hurt when she had just come back from a grueling month-long business trip. It hurt when she opened their shared home to see a pair of foreign shoes and discarded clothes that were left strewn across the perfectly polished floor. It hurt when she rushed to open their bedroom door and caught the love of her life; in bed with a familiar figure’s arm wrapped around Minju’s body, her Minju’s body. It hurt when her bag slipped off her shoulder and made a loud thud, waking the two slumbering figures, her lover’s immediate instinct was to cover her body with their blanket, a look of horror on the face she had oh-so loved. It hurt when she had run to the other side of the room to the man with the intent of physical harm and saw Minju rush to shield him from her. 

“Chaewon, stop!” Her lover yelled, holding her arms up.

And she did, though it was from mere shock and realization. She recognized him, the man that had just slept with her girlfriend. 

Out of all people, why did it have to be her cousin?

“How..how could you do this to me?” She croaked out, her body trembling as her mind was fogged with suppressed emotions.

“How could you, Junho?” Tears of outraged vanity blurred her vision.

“Noona, I’m sorry.” 

“Baby, listen to me first-” Minju enveloping her into a hug, but Chaewon broke free. Her eyes had changed into something Minju had never been in the receiving end of, and it terrified her.

“Exactly what do I have to listen to? I just caught you both red handed and you expect me to sit down and listen to how you guys have been fucking each other while I was away working my ass off to provide for you,” She said as she focused her gaze on Minju. 

“But that’s exactly why, Chaewon. You’ve been so busy with work that you barely spend time with me. You go so early in the morning that I don't even notice you leave, and I'm already dead asleep by the time you decide to come home and get in bed," Minju said in one breath, voicing out her deepest frustrations. "And even if it's the weekends, you're always cooped up in your office doing god-knows-what. You couldn't even spare a second of your time to just sit down and tell me how your day went."

"Minju, you-"

"It seems like you spend more time with your secretary than me. She's not your girlfriend, I am!" The girl yelled, punching a closed fist against her chest.

Yujin? The girl she had barely given any thought to when she first hired her three months ago?

"And he's not your boyfriend but you slept with him!" Chaewon pointed at Junho, who hung his head low and stared at the floor before looking back up with pleading eyes. 

"Noona, just please calm down."

"Shut up, I'm not talking to you."

"Junho, at least, was here to ask if I was okay, if school or work was stressing me out, if I've eaten. He even asked what you got me for our anniversary that you've forgotten. And to top it all off, you've been secretly meeting with one of your ex girlfriends. What's so secret about it that you don't even tell me anything about it? So don't act like you're so loyal either unnie."

Chaewon stood there, stunned. None of this made sense to her. Sure, she admits that she had been busy the past couple of months, but she was doing it for them, for their future. She had her reasons.  
She had been working overtime for weeks at a time, saving up to buy the tiny box that held the item that would bind them together, forever but it seemed like it wasn't needed.

"You got some nerve, Minju."

"I'm tired of it, Unnie." Junho looked at her in shock, his face laced with guilt as the room was filled with a painful silence.

"Noona-"

"So this is where it ends, huh?"

Minju looked at her with disdain and confusion.

"I'm just saying I'm tired of how this relationship has been going."

"Don't worry, I get it. I really do," Chaewon said in a flat voice.

"Looks like I won't be needing this," She took a small velvety box from her coat pocket and tossed it to Minju, the girl barely catching it on time. "I worked really hard for that, so I'm giving it to you, at least." Chaewon bent down to pick up her bag and motioned to leave the room, but not before leaving a spiteful farewell before slamming the door shut.

"Have fun fucking my cousin."

“Unnie, wait!”

Minju only had the strength to move when she heard the main door's familiar tune play as it was closed shut. She looked at the box in her hands and willed herself to open it

A ring.

Her engagement ring. 

It hurt, when Chaewon finally reached the outside of their apartment complex in the middle of the night as she bawled loudly on the pavement. It hurt when she spent the past four years making sure the girl she loved lived a comfortable life, it hurt when she spent the rest of her teenage life starting work early to support her only remaining relative, only to have them both stab her in the back. It hurt, everything hurt. It hurt when she felt a sharp pain in the back of her head as darkness filled her vision. And suddenly, everything stopped hurting.

“How have you been, Minju?”

“I’m okay, I’m fine." 

Amid the chill ambience the cafe gave out, what's colder is the gaze Jo Yuri was giving her. 

“Oh please, miss me with that shit,” her friend snorted. 

“You miss her, don't you?" Yuri challenged, leaning back in the wooden chair she was occupying. 

"Yeah, I do, very much."

"Yeah, but what can you do? You fucked up and now she's missing." Leave it to her best friend to be totally real and frank, but at least she wasn't sugar coating it. Minju had been a complete asshole for cheating, and much worse, cheating on Chaewon with her own cousin.

Her stomach churned as she recalled the realization and shock when Chaewon had thrown what could have been her engagement ring. She turned it over in her fingers, she wore it as a necklace, hoping to wear it again when she finds her lost lover, this time, on her ring finger. 

"I know, I fucked up and I regret it," she said with a distant frown, tracing the cup of coffee she was holding in her hands. The warmth emitting from the warm liquid helped calm her anxious heart. 

"So you're still hoping to find Chaewon and live happily ever after, after you screwed things up?" As much as Yuri loved her friend, she just couldn't fathom how undeniably stupid she was. 

"Think Minju, let's say you do find Chaewon, but what if she doesnt wanna be with you? What if she's already married or in a relationship with somebody else? What would you do?"

"She couldn't have gotten married, I just know it. And I don't know.. But I'll try, at least. I still love her, Yuri."

"If you loved her you wouldn have cheated on her, same thing goes to her cousin, who would do that to her family member? You both need to be thrown in jail."

"Yuri, I know. I know what we did was unforgivable, but it already happened and we can't undo it, I already feel bad enough, you don't have to rub it in my face everytime," Minju said with a sigh, closing her eyes in deep shame and rankling remorse as she leaned her head back to face the ceiling before opening them again. 

"You haven't even heard nearly enough, but I get you. Telling you you're an asshole repeatedly won't help, so I'll just be a good friend and provide moral support. But don't expect me to help, it's your mess, you fix it by yourself."

She gets where Yuri is coming from, her whole situation hit close to home for her best friend. When she first told the girl about it, Yuri hung up on her and only reconciled with Minju after she knocked on her door at 3 AM, wet and crying after a miserable week of trying to find Chaewon. Yuri let her sleep over for the night and handed her a change of clothes without saying anything. It wasn't until the next morning when Yuri decided to confront her and ask her to tell her everything that had happened in full detail. The girl clearly didn't approve of what she did, but she still listened to her and she appreciated it the most. 

"I have a question," Yuri spoke up after a fruitful silence, eyes shifting from her cold brew to Minju who looked like she dreaded the question that was about to come. 

"Go ahead," Minju nodded her head in affirmation. 

"Did you love, Junho?"

Minju paused, did she? She didn't think of him that way, she just.. 

"No, no I didn't."

"Then why did-"

"I-its just that, I felt lonely, neglected, and Junho was the closest thing there was that felt like Chaewon."

"So let me get this straight; Chaewon gets busy providing for your ass, you feel neglected and you opted to fuck her relative, just because he looks like her?"

"No, it's- it's hard to explain." In all honesty, she didn't know either. She was just desperate. 

"So you're basically filling the hole that Chaewon left."

Yuri surmised, and Minju said nothing. 

"You're an idiot."

"I think we’ve already established that."

They were left sitting in silence, listening to the disgustingly cheerful music playing in the background. The music didn't fit the mood they were in at all. Minju looked out the cafe window, wishingㅡnoㅡhoping she'd see her beloved pass by. Now that she thought about it, Chaewon loved this type of music, always bobbing her head to the rhythm while she was washing up, or on the rare occasions that she'd do house chores, like vacuuming or doing the dishes. She always found it endearing, and she held the sight close to her heart, because only she can see that side of the woman. 

"Do you still keep in contact with him?" Yuri inquired, snapping her out of her trance. 

"No, not since Chaewon left."

"Good."

Why would she? How could she? She should've asked herself that before she let her negative thoughts and libido get ahead of her and make stupid decisions. Junho kept calling her after that incident, and had stopped until recently. Looks like he realized how truly fucked-up the situation was. Chaewon practically raised him, how could he not have felt guilty? 

"Any leads?"

"No." Minju sighed, the cops weren't much help, they had stopped investigating, told her they found no evidence that she got into an accident or was abducted. It's been a year, so they had ruled her out as a runaway, as if she was a measly teen-ager, and told her to contact them if she remembered anything.

"You should just hire a private investigator."

"No, I'm sure I'll find her by myself."

"Up to you."

In all honesty, Minju was losing hope, slowly regressing to the person she was before she met Chaewon. Bruised, broken, unloved.

8 years ago

At 17, Kim Chaewon was homeless. She sat under the moonlight as she stroked the head that laid on her lap. Her 15 year old cousin Junho was all she had left. They had escaped the orphanage they were raised in, unable to take the abuse and harassment. Chaewon couldn't wait another year, she had to get Junho out of there, so she took a few of her belongings, and sneaked into the boys' room undetected at 2AM, leading him to the back yard where the chicken wired fence stood. She took out a wire cutter, an item she acquired while pretending to do garden work in the shed. She had multiple failed attempts in getting it, only being successful when one of the volunteers left to tend to other orphans. 

She had successfully cut out a hole big enough to fit a crouched human body, ushering Junho to go first. Once they reached the other side, Chaewon took her cousin's hand and they ran as fast as they could, letting their feet lead them.

They eventually found themselves in a small park, obscured by trees in the dead of the night. 

"Noona. I'm tired," Junho complained. The boy was taller than her, yet he still acted like a baby. 

"I know," Chaewon fixed his scarf as she looked around, eventually setting her gaze on a wooden bench. She took Junho's hand and led him to it, sitting on the edge of it as Junho laid his head on her lap. She could see the sunrise as the birds chirped in unison, the morning dew on the seesaws could be seen falling in the form of droplets. It probably wasn't a good idea to run away during winter. She looked at the only coat she owned. It was old and rugged and a hand me down from one of the older orphans. She heaved a deep breath, her nose and cheeks turning red as a result of the cold weather.  
She didn't know where to go from then on, but she had to survive for Junho, they couldn't stay there, or the cops would just take them to somewhere much worse.  
Her feet ached and she could feel the blisters on her feet, making her regret not wearing any socks as she was in a hurry. 

Her stomach growled. She winced in pain as she felt the acidity of it from the lack of sustenance. Her nose picked up an aromatic smell coming from the bakery just a few meters away. Her mouth watered as she saw the freshly baked bread being put on display. 

"Junho, I'll be right back. Stay here," she whispered to her slumbering companion, gently sliding a duff bag under his head in exchange for her lap. 

She took a few tentative steps towards the bakery, careful not to get too close as she doesn't wanna get shooed away. She stood two meters away from the window, inhaling the aroma in hopes of satiating her hunger with just the smell. 

A middle aged lady,whom Chaewon assumed was the ownerㅡhad took notice of her, taking off her apron as she started approaching the girl. 

"Did you wanna get anything, child?" She asked sweetly. Chaewon had noticed the wrinkles in her eyes, but it didn't take away the youthful glow in it. 

"Uhm, no. I was just looking," Chaewon replied, her eyes ironically looking at the ground.

"Nonsense, I haven't seen you around here before, surely you'd want to taste my specialty. Come on in, I'll give you the best ones I have." The old lady stepped aside, holding the door open for her. 

"I'm sorry, I can't. I don't have any money," she admitted bashfully.

"I know dear. But you're in luck, I just made a new recipe and I'm adamant for someone to try it out. Would you like to be my first taste tester?"

Chaewon couldn't believe her ears. She hadn't had a proper meal in days. The scums in that orphanage only gave her porridge and water, and she didn't even get to eat thrice a day. 

She followed the nice lady reluctantly, taking a seat in one of only five small tables in the bakery. The place felt home-y, and that's saying much. She thought of Junho, and how she wanted to find a place as warm as this. Junho. Wait. Junho. Crap. How could she forget about him? Stupid stomach. 

Just as she was about to get up, she heard two footsteps coming from behind her. 

"Come this way dear, your sister is waiting." The lady once again appeared, with a tray full of bread and Junho in tow. 

"Noona!"

"Junho. Thank God."

Junho had awoken to a grumbling stomach and Chaewon nowhere in sight. Like Chaewon, he was drawn to the bakery, but unlike Chaewon, he had planned to steal some of it but the owner had come out from the back before he could get a chance to. So he made up an excuse on the spot, hoping she didn't see through his scheme. 

"Hello dear, anything you fancy?"

"No ma'am. I was hoping you saw my noona. She's this short, with long brown hair and a scratch on her upper lip," he profiled hastily. 

And thus lead to them eating a hearty meal, at 7am, wallowing in the comfort of a warm place and a warm heart. 

They'd come back a few times in a week, getting enough money from odd jobs while they slept in different areas in the neighborhood, using the public washroom every so often. They sometimes come to help around the bakery, getting free meals even when they didn't have much to do. The lady had joined them for breakfast one day, asking them where they were from. They were reluctant to tell her at first, but the woman's kindness won over their hearts. So they told her everything, from the moment they were dropped off to the orphanage, to the part where they ended up in the nearby park, freezing in the cold until they found her bakery. The lady had teared up, sympathizing with them. But she held it in, knowing full well showing them pity wouldn't help them in any way. 

"So you're cousins, I can't imagine what it's been like for you two."

"We should get going soon, thank you for letting us work here Mrs. Min." They bowed deeply, her kindness earning their utmost loyalty. 

The ladyㅡwho they had come to know as Mrs. Minㅡhad offered them a place to stay, and a job that kept them fed. 

Three years later, Mrs. Min had died from a heart attack. Leaving the bakery to Chaewon, including the decent sized apartment she had stayed in. Mrs. Min was a widow, she had no known relatives, that's why she left the cafe in Chaewon's care, believing the girl had earned it after working for her everyday for three whole years. Chaewon worked day and night, studying between shifts, school was a luxury she couldn't afford, but not for Junho. She's doing everything for Junho, she wants him to have a better life. So after he graduated from high school, she had quickly persuaded him to take the entrance exams, instead of making him work in the bakery. 

She'd also given the apartment to Junho, because she knew he'd need as much space as he could as a University student, while she stayed at the bakery, which had a small living space upstairs. Soon she had expanded the bakery into a pastry shop, which required extra man power. 

Every single day was the same for Chaewon, she felt like she wasn't living for herself, felt like she wasn't truly living. Her routine hadn't changed in three years. She'd bake cupcakes and muffins in the early morning and all sorts of desserts during the day, study new recipes at night, open the bakery at 7am and close when they're all sold out. She was getting sick of it, but at least she had a roof over her head and a source of income. Everything was the same damn routine. 

And then she met Minju.

**Author's Note:**

> This work is also on Asianfanfics under the user SSamjang1101, will be posting updates there first! I hope y'all like it uwu


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